Lately, I’ve been paying more attention to the voices in my head.
As each day presents itself with challenges and opportunities, I find my decisions are greatly influenced by common, ordinary people whom I’ve known through the years whose voices I hear in my head. Often, it’s my Dad’s even though he’s been gone 27 years. Sometimes it’s my wife’s; sometimes it’s my kids’; sometimes it’s my adversaries; often it’s my sister.
I’ve listened to a lot of voices through the years. I’ve memorized enough verses in the Bible to get a free pass at church camp; I’ve mulled over Plato, Aristotle, St. Thomas Aquinas, and Calvin & Hobbes- both the philosophers and cartoon characters. I traveled down Keroucs journey.
But when I’m in a pinch at the fork of the road, I don’t listen to the voice of Emerson telling me to take the road less traveled, I hear my sister Carmen say, “Just put your big boy panties on.”
I spent the first 30 years of my life thinking Carmen was one of my mothers. She is the oldest; I am the youngest; twenty years span our ages. She has children my age so, when summer came boiling into Kansas, so did she and her three children from New York. Consequently, I got lined up for swats along with her son, Jeff, for nefarious, alleged deeds, which always returned verdicts of indictment. We were never acquitted even with overwhelming proof of innocence. Granted, those times were more rare than a politician telling the truth, but they did happen.
But somewhere in my 30’s, Carmen and I made a transition from siblings to friends even though we were 1,500 miles apart. Monthly phone calls turned into weekly and now it’s almost every day I chat with her.
She made countless trips to Nicaragua with me after feeding the hungry captured my heart. She was there at her daughter’s house in Charlotte when I told her I wanted to start a volunteer meal-packaging nonprofit for the hungry. She was there when we engaged 120,000 volunteers in 6 months to package 20 million meals for Haiti after the earthquake. She was there when I told her I’d just received the misspelled email from my 3-member board that terminated me and the other ten people on my staff.
She has been there with me on each mountain that I’ve successfully climbed and held my hand in the darkest valleys. She was the first person to tell me to marry Christine- my incredible wife.
If you are downtrodden, lonely, mistake-ridden, and feel like the biggest loser society has ever known, you will love my sister who will make you feel like the most valuable person on earth.
However, if you’re arrogant, self-righteous, lazy, or treat others badly you will find her annoying; she does not suffer fools gladly.
I admire a multitude of things about Carmen, but these are the things which I can find words to describe most easily.
Her faith is genuine- My sister’s faith is the strongest of anyone I have ever known. I have studied the greatest minds of all the major religions in the world, but I can honestly say my sister has – by example alone- taught me more about the love of God than any other person alive or dead.
She knows how to love- People who find their lives in shambles through their foolish choices are drawn to my sister like a moth to a candle. She will say to them, “I don’t care where you’ve been, I don’t care what you’ve done, all that I care about is that you are right here, right now and I love you.” I’ve seen big, strong men collapse in a pile of emotional rubble at her feet.
Her heart pulses with compassion- I know of no greater champion for the poor and hungry than my sister. The above photo is of Carmen and her daughter, Cori, caring for a starving woman in Nicaragua. Each Thursday for the last several years, she has spent the day cooking- usually the food she paid for out of her own pocket- to feed the hungry in they city of El Dorado.
She models forgiveness- While she’s pretty wise about making sure the same rabid dog doesn’t bite her twice, she quickly gets over the hurt and moves on. Although I’ve seen her severely wounded, she harbors no grudges and moves on.
She sees things- I’m not sure how to describe this part, but its like Carmen has a movie projector in her mind that tells a story of life. She frequently sees a situation in the context of visual image. More than just a metaphor or simile, she literally sees images in her mind that give understanding, perspective, and courage. Recently, as I was sharing with her a dilemma I was facing, she paused and said, “I just saw you walking out into a big field with just a wide open empty space and, as you go, you get to fill it up the space and make it beautiful with whatever you want.” That kind of encouragement just makes you want to get out of bed in the morning!
I’m wise enough by now to realize the tremendous gift I’ve been given. I frequently draw from the well of our friendship.
St. Augustine once said, “The closest distance between two points is the company of a good friend.” My sisters company makes the road I travel very pleasurable.
Carmen’s voice in my head is one I will listen to forever.
Lately, I’ve been paying more attention to where the voices in my head.
As each day presents itself with challenges and opportunities, I find my decisions are greatly influenced by common, ordinary people whom I’ve known through the years whose voices I hear in my head. Often, it’s my Dad’s even though he’s been gone 27 years. Sometimes it’s my wife’s; sometimes it’s my kids’; sometimes it’s my adversaries.
I’ve memorized enough verses in the Bible to get a free pass at church camp; I’ve mulled over Plato, Aristotle, St. Thomas Aquinas, and Calvin & Hobbes- both the philosophers and cartoon characters. I traveled down Keroucs journey. There are lots of advice-givers.
But when I’m in a pinch at the fork of the road, I don’t listen to the voice of Emerson telling me to take the road less traveled, I hear my sister Carmen say, “Just put your big boy panties on.”
I spent the first 30 years of my life thinking Carmen was one of my mothers. She is the oldest; I am the youngest; twenty years span our ages. She has children my age so, when summer came boiling into Kansas, so did she and her three children from New York. Consequently, I got lined up for swats along with her son, Jeff, for nefarious, alleged deeds, which always returned verdicts of indictment. We were never acquitted even with overwhelming proof of innocence. Granted, those times were more rare than a politician telling the truth, but they did happen.
Somewhere in my 30’s, Carmen and I made a transition from siblings to friends even though we were 1,500 miles apart. Monthly phone calls turned into weekly and now it’s almost every day I chat with her.
She made countless trips to Nicaragua with me after feeding the hungry captured my heart. She was there at her daughter’s house in Charlotte when I told her I wanted to start a volunteer meal-packaging nonprofit for the hungry. She was there when we engaged 120,000 volunteers in 6 months to package 20 million meals for Haiti after the earthquake. She was there when I told her I’d just received the misspelled email from my 3-member board that terminated me and the other ten people on my staff.
She has been there with me on each mountain that I’ve successfully climbed and held my hand in the darkest valleys. She was the first person to tell me to marry Christine- my incredible wife.
If you are downtrodden, lonely, mistake-ridden, and feel like the biggest loser society has ever known, you will love my sister who will make you feel like the most valuable person on earth.
However, if you’re arrogant, self-righteous, lazy, or treat others badly you will find her annoying; she does not suffer fools gladly.
I admire a multitude of things about Carmen, but these are the things which I can find words to describe most easily.
Her faith is genuine- My sister’s faith is the strongest of anyone I have ever known. I have studied the greatest minds of all the major religions in the world, but I can honestly say my sister has – by example alone- taught me more about the love of God than any other person alive or dead.
She knows how to love- People who find their lives in shambles through their foolish choices are drawn to my sister like a moth to a candle. She will say to them, “I don’t care where you’ve been, I don’t care what you’ve done, all that I care about is that you are right here, right now and I love you.” I’ve seen big, strong men collapse in a pile of emotional rubble at her feet.
Her heart pulses with compassion- I know of no greater champion for the poor and hungry than my sister. The above photo is of Carmen and her daughter, Cori, caring for a starving woman in Nicaragua. Each Thursday for the last several years, she has spent the day cooking- usually the food she paid for out of her own pocket- to feed the hungry in they city of El Dorado.
She models forgiveness- While she’s pretty wise about making sure the same rabid dog doesn’t bite her twice, she quickly gets over the hurt and moves on. Although I’ve seen her severely wounded, she harbors no grudges and moves on.
She sees things- I’m not sure how to describe this part, but its like Carmen has a movie projector in her mind that tells a story of life. She frequently sees a situation in the context of visual image. More than just a metaphor or simile, she literally sees images in her mind that give understanding, perspective, and courage. Recently, as I was sharing with her a dilemma I was facing, she paused and said, “I just saw you walking out into a big field with just a wide open empty space and, as you go, you get to fill it up the space and make it beautiful with whatever you want.” That kind of encouragement just makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.
I’m wise enough by now to realize the tremendous gift I’ve been given. I frequently draw from the well of friendship that
St. Augustine once said, “The closest distance between two points is the company of a good friend.” My sisters company makes the road I travel very pleasurable.
Carmen’s voice in my head is one I will listen to forever.