If you want to know the difference between listening and hearing, ask a married couple or parents of teenagers. In their top-ten list of oft-used phrases, you’re not listening to a word I’m saying is number five. There is a difference between hearing and listening.
I learned the lesson of listening well several years ago visiting a grief-stricken family in the church I pastored. They were suffering the tragic loss of their son and I stopped by to check on them. I sat down at seven in the evening and left around eleven and, in that four hours, barely pieced a sentence together. Seriously, other than a brief prayer at the end of the evening for them, I barely said more than ten words in four hours.
As I was leaving, the man said, “Young man, everything you said tonight helped us far more than you will ever know. We will cherish every word you spoke.”
I drove away befuddled; I never said anything of substance. However, the evening spent with them taught me more about the power of lisening well than any book I’ve ever read.
Driving home, I reflected on the conversation to understand what I did to encourage them. Nearly twenty years later, I have observed those who listen well and here are my conclusions:
- People who listen well:
- Listen to what is not being said
- Make eye contact
- Repeat words they hear the other person speak
- Ask meaningful questions
- Probe for further detail when appropriate
- Empathize with body language (folded arms are a no-no)
- Act like they care
- Lean in towards the speaker, instead of leaning away
- Communicate with facial expressions
- Pick up on the body language of the speaker
- Build trust
- Don’t judge
- Don’t offer advice unless it’s asked for
The most powerful lesson is this: if you listen well enough, you will help people discover solutions to their own problems.
*******************************************************************************************************
If you would like these writings delivered to your inbox, sign up here.
Follow along on Twitter and/or on my authors’ page on Facebook.
I promise not to spam you or give/sell your info to anyone.